Cord Samson

Cord Samson
Age: 17

When Cord was seven, his parents got divorced. At such a young age, it was already apparent that Cord was destined for greater things – jail, for example, and the registry of sex offenders – which explains why his father fought for custody of his siblings but conveniently bestowed full custody of Cord upon his ex-wife. Cord’s mother takes her parenting duties seriously by next-to-never showing her face in the same house as her son. Perhaps out of some lingering feelings of guilt, Cord’s father charged Mr. Sock with the unofficial guardianship of his misguided child.

There are few people who describe Cord without employing one of the following adjectives: perverse, lecherous, depraved, deviant, debauched, grotesque, warped, unnatural, sick, twisted, monstrous, repulsive, charming, and bewitching. (The latter two are primarily used by Cord himself.) Cord has zero interest in academic endeavors and only shows up for school when he feels like checking on the hidden cameras he’s planted in the girls’ locker room (in addition to planting new ones) and propositioning emotionally-damaged female students. Any teacher of Cord’s will find a way to (wrongly) convince themselves that he’s deserving of a D-, thus ensuring that he will be out of their hair as soon as possible and never be held back a grade. Besides being known for his inhuman lust for the opposite sex and his incapacity to understand that women are indeed human beings far more intelligent than he, Cord… doesn’t really have any characteristics worth mentioning.