Mr. Sock

Artemis J. Sockmeyer, a.k.a. “Mr. Sock”
Age: Unknown

Artemis J. Sockmeyer, known as “Mr. Sock” to his friends — or more accurately, to CORD, the closest thing he has to one –- is a living sock puppet entrusted with the guardianship of Cord Samson. (No human, animal, vegetable, or mineral would willingly take on the job.) He cooks for Cord, cleans his house, and tries his best to keep him out of trouble — or at least bail him out of jail before his stories make the global news circuit. Mr. Sock’s mysterious origins are connected to Cord’s father and he isn’t the only one of his kind — but there are few people in the world who can say they’ve had the pleasure of conversing with cotton and polyester.

Being a sock does not actually impede Mr. Sock’s sense of the value of currency. In fact, what little cost-of-living allowance Cord receives from his mother goes directly to Mr. Sock. (Thus, Cord must figure out “brilliant” schemes with the key ingredient of a hopelessly dimwitted lackey in order to fund his libido-induced misadventures.) Surprisingly, Mr. Sock has taken on the guardianship for an annual salary of $2.79. Why? Perhaps since room and board are included, he feels that he doesn’t need any money for personal effects. (But the number of times the house has been condemned as a toxic waste dump or a fire hazard thanks to Cord’s antics should surely worry Mr. Sock as to the future of their living quarters.) Maybe there’s a greater reason, involving his confidence in his own budding talent as a rehabilitator. After all, if Mr. Sock can save the wretched soul that is Cord Samson, he can save ANYONE. Maybe, deep down, Mr. Sock actually feels something for the guy… Then again, that COULD just be the cocaine Cord threw into his laundry bath in lieu of detergent talking.